Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Scared OU

I've been dog sitting this week and I came to a realization this morning. My preppy white dog isn't used to the Mexican disciplinarian in me.

On an average day Maddie acts out, throws fits when I try and take her on the sand at the beach, goes through the garbage and the other morning she took a big caca in the living room. I'm convinced that this was all just to piss me the fuck off. She's like a child with zero fear of anyone or anything - like little kids whose parents give them a timeout.

But, let me tell you something, don't give timeouts. My mother didn't give timeouts. My welita didn't give timeouts. Time outs are for wimps! I was scared as shit of my mama and her chanclas. I still am. She only recently ridded her house of wire hangers because her children are now up and grown. She said she keeps one on reserve in case we act out. This was a woman with rules and I followed them to a T.

1. When I say now, I mean now.
2. If you ruin my Sunday and I am full of coraje at church, you are going to pay cabronsitos.
3. When I say leave your door open while you clean your room, I mean leave it open or I will kick it in.
4. We don't need a maid, that's why we had children.
5. All tasks are multi-tasks! If you are watching TV, you could be folding clothes or dusting at the same time.
6. God is watching you and waiting to strike you down.
7. When in doubt, Que dira la gente?
8. Life isn't about being happy, it's about who suffers the most and survives to tell the story.
9. Words don't leave welts like chanclas.
10. If you ever bring this up as an adult, I'll deny that it ever happened.

All of this made me come to a reassuring realization this morning. I have the Mean Mexican Mama gene (M3) too. It's like this dog flipped a switch in me. My face gets all squished and concentrated. My eyeballs squint. I stomp around with purpose and minus a few hijo de la chingadas, I'm straight up my moms yo! If I could have made her pair calcetines for 4 hours and mopped the floor on her hands and knees, I would have. If she could wash dishes herself why use the dish washer? Maddie is in my boot camp. She is hella scared of me yo and I like it that way.

I am going to break her the way I will break my children. And you know what? She is going to be all the better for it. Look how firme I turned out. I am finnnnne. I worried that I would buy my kids Cocoa Pebbles, let them play on Saturdays instead of clean, give them timeouts and not spank them. I am relieved to know that I will not wimp out. I will not give in. They will fear me and they will love me for it later.

Game on.

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