Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Juevos, Manzanas y Auntie Mame

Um, is it just me or is it a little racist that Zahara's own parents are dressing her like a Mame? I mean, don't they promote cultural sensitivity at the UN? WTF? Look at little Maddox. He's like "Bitch, better not even think about putting one of those non bai pointy hats on this head." Word.

Um, is it just me or does little Manzana Martin have a lazy eye? La Gwyneth y Chris used up this little girl's Get Out of Jail Free Card on that fucked up name. Kindergarten ain't gonna be easy. Pobrecita.

Um, is it just me or does The Sapo have no class? ¿Que dira la gente? Sucio.


Thursday, March 23, 2006

It's MY day bitches...

My superstar comadres, the wedding planner extarodinaires of Always A Bridesmaid Wedding Consulting are being featured on this week's Style Network Show Whose Wedding Is It Anyway? Check them out as they plan a sophisti-gelat (read Latinos with feria) wedding. Will the bride get what she wants? Will the wedding go off with out a hitch? What happens with thousands of dollars of flowers go missing hours before the reception? I'd go loca on someone's ass, but my diligent little Mexican worker bee's work it out. Check out Xochitl and Mayra on their episode "Pop Stars and Dictators". Highlights include Xochitl quoting a famous New York prostitute, Mayra making caras, and a florist who shows up to the ceremony in a wife beater. sigh. Good TV.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Keep Your Friends Close...

From Neil Sean of Sky News: Jennifer Lopez has hit upon a sure-fire route to a blockbuster - team up with Desperate Housewives sexpot Eva Longoria. She has a script ready to roll which features two sisters, both Hollywood stars, who fall out and dish the dirt on each other to the press. Jen thinks the knock-out comedy is ideal to take her back to the top, and is wooing Eva as we speak. The movie's set to start filming this September.

Well, well, well. La Lopez wants to make friends. This smells a little fishy to me. Maybe because the sapo put her career in the toilet, Jen has been sitting in her rapunzel castle in P.R. thinking of ways to bring La Longoria down with her. Don't do it Eva. Don't do it. Run, homegirl. You don't want to be all drug down and shit by La Jenny. She's gonna want you to be the ugly hermana, ya ves. She's gonna dress your ass up all Betty La Fea and refuse to let you get Mystic Tanned. If she offers to take you to her trailer to have platanos and mofongo, JUST. SAY. NO. It's all a ruse to get you plumped up so that she can stuff you and put you on her mantle. Forget it. You need to be the Salma in this partnership. Let Jenny be the Penelope.

photo. photo.

Friday, March 17, 2006

You're Giving Me a Heart Attack

Ohhhh whoa is me. Whoa is me. Olivia Newton John, what did you do to your face? Have you been hanging around that sucia Lisa Rinna? Just because she was on Dancing with the Stars doesn't mean that she isn't still a freak. ONJ, you were so beautiful and owned your age. I was hopelessly devoted to youuuuuuuuu youuuu-hohoho/but now/there's no where to hide/since you failed to push the knife aside. Now, I'm out of my head, thanks. Because I was hopelessly devoted to you and then you went and got some bad work done in TJ. My whole Friday is shot because I'm going to spend the whole day hoping for you that your swelling goes down. I hope you didn't do this because of your missing boyfriend. I still love you ONJ. I'll still buy your breast cancer charity albums. But when the aliens come take you to Xanadu, I won't be holding my breath that you'll ever come back.

Thursday, March 16, 2006

I Cast, You Cast

Imagine the money they could have saved in the prosthetics budget if they had just cast Maggie Gyllenhaal in the new movie Penelope instead of Christina Ricci....I'm just sayin'.


Friday, March 10, 2006

Friday Musings

Salma finally tells La Lohan what we've all been thinking. "Bitch, get yo ass to a taco truck." (btw, do you see Salma's brows? Phenomenal. Just, phenomenal.)

I know American Idol is about equity and fairness and talent...but I don't really need to see this dude with Tourette's sing every week. It's painful. I'm worried he's going to fall off the stage. I get embarrassed for him and it makes me change the channel.

My kids are going to dress like this everyday. Every. Day.

Source. Source. Source.

Monday, March 06, 2006

The Sky Is Falling

So yesterday, the sky fell. A travesty occured. Crash won the Academy Award for best Oscar and white male Academy members patted themselves on the back for a job well done.

Much has been said about this film and the impact that it has made in it's expression and visual depiction of race relations in Los Angeles. People call it a triumph, a momentous moment in filmmaking, a film with spirit. I call it what it is - an over simplified lie. In more plain terms - a piece of crap.

When filmmaker Paul Haggis talked about how he was savagely carjacked from his Porshe a few years ago and how it prompted him to think about issues of race in this country, I laughed. Must be nice to roll around in your 100k sports car with rose tinted windows thinking that the people around you selling oranges on a street corner are just there for decoration. When my friend told me that she heard him speak at a talk about the film and he spent a half an hour discussing the challenge of using one's own multi-million dollar home to shoot in, I wanted to vomit.

The fact of the matter is Crash is an over simplified depiction of racism in this country from the perspective of a privileged white male. As a person of color, I would never even fathom thinking that I could depict the intricacies of racism in a 90 minute film. But then again, I'm not a white man.

If you notice, Crash tells a very black and white tale of race and class in Los Angeles. In the process it essentially silences everyone else. The women in this film have no voice, the ethnic others have no voice. In fact, the point of view in this film is only from a black and white perspective. If you notice, the POV of the latinos, asians, persians, and women are never a part of this picture.

- When Sandra Bullock hugs her maid telling her that she is the best friend she has, we see Sandra Bullock's POV, not the one of the maid. Because her feelings don't really matter do they?

- The POV of the Persian/Latino story line is told in the third person, giving neither men a voice in the personal crises that they are facing.

- Thandie Newton and Jennifer Esposito are both objectified and neither are put in a position to defend themselves from personal attack.

-The south east asian refugees who were enslaved by a Korean man are dropped off in China Town because, you know...they're all the same.

The delicate balance of race and class in this country were put in fucking cliff notes and force fed to people sitting in a theatre already full on $6 popcorn. I hate to think that that people truly believe that as long as they are not overtly racist, what they think or how they act is still okay. The worst instances of racism that I have faced in my life have been the most subtle. You can never put that on film. Who will defend me then? Who will help me out? It's okay to ignore it, if it's not spoken. In the end, this is the message that Crash reinforced to Americans who now think themselves progressive and forward thinking because they were so "moved" by that film.

The worst part of all of this is that a wonderful film, a virtually unmakable film was passed over for an Oscar yesterday. Brokeback Mountain was a film that was made against all odds. It was a period western, a film about two men, in love, made by an Asian director. It was more than that. It was a movie about unrequited love that transcended boundaries. Brokeback Mountain said more about tolerance and healing than Crash could ever dream of saying.

But I guess it's okay for Academy members to vote for Crash and say they are progressive, but not have to say they are progressive enough to honor a film about homosexuality. What they fail to understand is that it's about the universal, heart wrenching experience of love. It was all inclusive, something that Crash would never attempt to be.

So congratulations Academy, you did it. You are sooooo progressive and sooooo not racist. Like when you made fun of Three 6 Mafia, that wasn't racist at all. Hypocrites.