Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Comadres on ..... Beyonce

Sometimes, when you are feeling particularly unfunny and uninspired, your comadres bring it home with their insight and wisdom.

Comadres on: Beyonce - An Academic Discourse

IG: …I think Beyoncé is probably a biatch in real life. She just gives off that vibe. I’ve made up my mind that I just don’t like her, no matter how catchy that “Irreplaceable” song is. I think Jay Z deserves better. That is my deep thought of the day.

KGL: Speaking of drama, did you hear about the ruckus Beyonce and her parents were causing about Jennifer Hudson getting more press than B for "DreamGirls?". OMG. Supposedly, Mathew Knowles was completely rude to her on the set and at the premiere, and Mama Knowles was ignoring her. They wanted B to be the star and be considered for an Oscar, and the former American Idol was stealing all the press from B. with her amazing performance. The Knowles' are wrong. Act Christian, people! But...I still love Beyonce b/c she is from Houston and her songs make me want to get up and dance! "All the woMEN who are indepenDENT, throw yo hands up at me-e." Plus, I saw that she sells House of Dereon jeans at TJ Maxx and I love TJ Maxx.

MC: Beyonce sucks. He isn't irreplaceable. Who are you going to get better than him? Whatever. And how are you going to "upgrade him"? He has more $$ than you!

IG: YOU KNOW??!!! Whatever, B, Jay-Z is much too good for you, although apparently you are getting married this weekend. BLECH. And yes, I’d heard about how horrible the Knowles treated poor Jennifer Hudson. I hope she blows everyone out of the water and gets nominated for an Oscar and WINS. That’ll shut up stupid mumbler Beyoncé. I seriously, seriously think she is stoopid.

VC: mmm. beyonce's voice sucks. i suspected this for a long time, then my friend liz saw her and alicia keys and missy elliot and she said that beyonce was REALLY bad live. but i love her studio-enhanced music. jay-z is ugly. fix your teeth! you've got boocoo bucks. get braces! and work out a little. get a personal trainer for those arms! it's one thing to be poor and out of shape - but dude, you've got money. plus, the npr review of his come-back cd said it was lukewarm and middle-aged. plus, i didn't like that he was all DL about his relationship with beyonce. i'm not taking sides on this one b/c both of them are problematic.

IG: Bite your tongue, V!!!! Jay-Z is awesome. He's just ugly and there's nothing he can do about that (although I agree with you that he should hit up the gym - but I thought Beyoncé made him do that already???). And so what if he did not want to whore out his relationship with Beyoncé??

KGL: And whose song, "Murderer," makes me shudder everytime b/c it is SO awful.

VC: omg that is the worse song ever. she got a billboard award yesterday beating mary j and beyonce (i think). jay-z USED to be awesome. and braces take no effort - they even have clear ones now.

IG: And, she’s just basically admitting to being a ho. I mean, who DOES that???

KGL: Crazy girls with crazy eyes from Trinidad & Tobago, that's who.

AR: BTW, the Beyonce being mean to Jennifer Hudson thing is totally true. I have sources. And she was really mean to her at Oprah and wouldnt' talk to her because Oprah called J-Hud to tell her how amazing she was. Also, Michael Knowles called and demanded they recut the movie and they laughed in his FACE! Apparently, B is a big baby who totally believes all the hype that her parents have created around her. I just think about Michelle and Kelly. Kelly prob didn't have it as bad but Michelle had to have known what she was getting into.

IG: Ohhhhhhhhh, I hate Beyoncé. BTW, bitch, you can’t act. Get over yourself. It’s clear that you did not graduate high school. My mother, for whom English is a second language learned late in adulthood, has better diction than you. OH! I HATE HER! HATE! HATE! HATE! I hope Jennifer wins a million trillion awards and that Oprah become her fairy godmother spreading lucky gold dust all around her. I hate Beyoncé.

KGL: Ooh, as much as I love me some Beyonce, I truly DIG Mary J. Blige. She is so soulful.

IG: Do you all remember when Mary J. was a coke whore?? Literally? Back in the "Real Love" era --?? It was glorious! :)