Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Tweet, Tweet

I was Tweety Bird on Halloween '82. I lost the Madison Elementary costume competition to a kid in a giant paper bag monster outfit. I was pissed. I cried. He bought that shit at the grocery store. Mine was hand made by my mama, mofo. But now I understand what the judges knew that I didn't. I would never, in all of my glory, come as close to looking like the honorable Mr. Bird than Nicole Ritchie. It's so effortless, so perfect. I wonder if she's lined her house with newspaper. If someone had told me that I could have won by getting on an all diet coke diet with the sidekick II exercise regimen, I would have started that shit in Kindergarten with Tab and my fucking Speak 'N Spell.
source

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of a song that was very popular in South Texas in the 80's -- "Don't Mess with my Toot Toot." Did it ever make it to Central Cali? It goes a lil' something like this:

Don't mess with my toot-toot,
Don't mess with my toot-toot,
You can have the other woman,
But don't mess with my toot-toot.

Well she was born in a bird suit,
The doctor slapped her behind,
He said you're gonna' be special,
My sweet little toot-toot.

Comadre, this was ALL the rage in my 5th grade class at McAuliffe Elementary, let me tell you.

-La Ley

Anonymous said...

Oh, shit. I just looked up the real lyrics and the phrase is "birth suit," not "bird suit."

I still like my version better, though.

Nicosan said...

We had a speak and spell at home? I was too busy playing with my Thundercats to know this... I am depressed now.

Anonymous said...

You know tweety bird is just DYING to feed her a pastrami sandwich on rye.

Haps said...

Yes we did have a Speak and Spell. I used to try and get in contact with ET. My spelling skills still suck so the fucking machine doesn't work.

I remember the toot-toot! I used to love that song.

La Madre said...

lol tab & speak&spell...you funny!
(i miss my speakandspell)