27 Dentists

Dear Katherine Heigl,

Congratulations on the big movie career, really. Props to you. I watched your movie yesterday. It was fun. Thanks for that. Just one question. CAN YOU PLEASE FIX YOUR FUCKING TEETH?! I mean that snaggle tooth. I was scared that if they had shown that movie in IMAX, the tooth was going to come out and stab me in the eye. I like both my eyes, they help me see. I don't want to have to wear a patch, even if it had Swarovski crystals on it in the shape of a skull.

When you are on Gray's, the snaggle tooth and the two middle teeth leaning inward don't bother me so much. I have a 19 inch TV circa 1992. But when I see your snaggle tooth and the two middle teeth leaning inward on the big screen, I get scared. And correct me if I'm wrong, but 27 Dresses is a romcom not a horror movie. I b scrrred o u teef.

This movie might propel you into feature film stardom. But when all I can see are your and James Marsden's teeth fighting for screen time, well it's a little distracting. He's getting a letter too. Kiki Dunst didn't respond to my pie charts and powerpoint presentation I sent to her publicist. I just hope that you will read this and take heed.

Your snaggle tooth and the two middle teeth leaning inward are your friends. I know they have been with you for a while, but you got lots of money now, yo. Sometimes you got to let shit go. Hillary Duff said good-bye to her baby teefs and hello and subsiquent quick bu-bye to her horsey teefs, Miley Cyrus said bye bye gummy smile. They are tween babies, you are a womanz. Go see Dr. Dorfman. Por favor!

kthanks.
a.ro